WHAT IS YOUR WHY?
Why is simply defined as, your reason or purpose.
At this time in our life, when we have reached ‘the middle’ and beyond….
Why is a question we ask ourselves often.
Why does she want to be my friend?
Why did she just say that?
Why am I doing this?
Why am I trying to so hard?
But let’s shift our focus for a minute. Let’s turn our inward lens…outward. Let’s find our our ‘why’ from our friends.
You might be thinking, I’m not sure I’m ok with whole thing, asking for help? Putting myself out there and being vulnerable. But, there’s a part of of you that is ready to jump right in.
At this phase of our life, we’ve done so much. We’ve worked hard, we’ve been in the trenches. We’ve made mistakes and taken risks and ended up with the results we never expected.
I was asked recently by a friend of mine, “Amy, why are you doing this? Don’t you feel like you’re constantly being judged?”
I took a deep breath, and let that sink in for a minute. I’m almost 50. I’ve lived a pretty great life. Am I a celebrity? No. Am I famous? No. Do I really think that what I’m doing will be judged by others? Absolutely, 100% yes.
But you know what…I’m ok with that. I get responses all the time from women that say they feel more confident, and have built up a ‘thicker skin’ at the end of the day. They enjoy sharing their insight and perspective and realize that not everyone will agree with your choices.
When I started this journey, I knew there would be times when I would second guess myself. I would have days that I couldn’t write a thing. There would be days when I get an e-mail that doesn’t seem positive and deflates the wind in my sails a bit.
But, then I take a walk, get out in nature…or simply step away for a minute. And then that passion – that energy comes right back. I forge ahead and don’t look back.
We are not a time to be looking back, but living forward!
At any age, we are not going to please everyone. Not everyone will support us…not everyone will like us.
That’s ok.
This can be a time when we can really struggle finding our value, and how to truly stay connected with others. We have friends that been there with us in the trenches. We have experienced some friendships that change over time.
Mel Robbins, says it best. “There are friends for a reason, for a season and for a lifetime”. And those friends for a lifetime are the ones I want to challenge you with this week.
I love following Simon Sinek . Fingers crossed he will be a guest on my podcast soon. His talk about defining a millennial went viral, where he shared insight on how this generation thinks and solves problems. He also is a huge advocate for finding your ‘why’.
I’m sure you’ve been asked at one time or another, “What is your why?” You’ve participated in an exercise at work, or as you start a new adventure. Its purpose is to narrow down your thoughts and focus on identifying your purpose.
Let’s turn the tables and try this WHY exercise.
This week I want you to challenge yourself in a way that will make you feel vulnerable, and slightly uncomfortable. But, I’m fairly certain you will enjoy the result.
Pick three friends that know you well – that you identify as your very good and honest friends. Someone that’s been there for you not only at the good times, but at the times that are most challenging. This is the friend that you can call in the middle of the night, and they’ll pick up the phone and be there for you …..and of course, if roles were reversed, you would do the same.
Ask them this question
WHY ARE WE FRIENDS?
You will probably get the response, “Why are you asking me this?” They will have a hard time deciphering what to say. They may think to themselves, oh boy, she’s been reading the newest self help book….
Now, it’s your job probe a bit more….
WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME, THAT I’LL KNOW YOU’LL BE THERE FOR ME NO MATTER WHAT?
I know..it sounds silly…but keep pushing.
Most likely at this point they will start describing you. They might say things like, you’re smart, you’re honest, you’re a good listener. They might say you’ve lost your marbles asking me this crazy stuff…..
As this point – you play devil’s advocate. That is the definition of a friend….
THIS IS WHERE YOU ARE GOING TO GET A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO ASK THEM AGAIN. COME ON, WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME?
Don’t help them and don’t let anyone else help them. Let them struggle….because it’s difficult for people to actually put language to what they’re feeling.
This might take awhile…some might answer super quick, and for some it may take time. Just continue to play devil’s advocate.
Eventually they will give up.
They will begin describing themselves and how they feel when they are around you.
That’s what happened to me. Someone said, “Amy, I don’t know, but there are times when I’m around you, and your passion is contagious.” Or, one said, “Amy, you make me feel like I’m the most important person in the room.”
At that point….I felt the hair on my arms stand up….I felt overwhelmed and filled with emotion.
That’s when you know you’ve found your WHY.
When your friends can tell you how you are adding value in their lives. The reason that people love you. These are the gifts that you share with the world.
This is your WHY!
Don’t forget this lesson. This is not a time in our lives that we should feel invisible or lose our identity, but a time to focus on the value we add in so many ways.
Don’t underestimate your qualifications when your finger hovers over the send button to submit your resume….PUSH SEND!
Don’t feel like you don’t have the skills or knowledge to do something you’ve always wanted to do. Finish something you started. Don’t stand on the sidelines and cheer from afar….get in the game.
Go back to those first ‘why’ questions I posed at the beginning of this post after you have chatted with your friends.
Go back and answer them! I think you’ll be amazed and proud of your answers!
Make sure you take time to do this exercise with those same friends and reverse roles….
And….send your friends a gift card to their favorite coffee shop….or jot them a quick note. They are your cheerleaders, your biggest fans….and they recognize the value you have and the gifts you share everyday.
And…lastly – a huge hug to all of my wonderful friends in the picture with this post…they are friends that surrounded me the day I left Germany to move back to the US. The friends that became my ‘framily’ and I am forever grateful.
Now go forth and be awesome!
