Navigating our Thanksgiving table conversations

Let’s be honest – Do you want to be the ONE that causes the crazy awkward silence at the Thanksgiving table? Most likely the answer is NO. Let’s take a more gracious and joyful approach.

“Thanksgiving just gets me all warm and tingly and all kinds of wonderful inside.” —Willard Scott

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday – always has been. Family and friends gathered around the table. And I am that one that still loves the traditions of cranberry sauce (from a jar – full transparency) and a green bean casserole – it’s tradition. And don’t get me started about the famous Wendland Family green jello.

While living in Germany we hosted quite a few Turkey days – from having our dear Aussie friends come celebrate – that had never even heard of YAMS in a jar (and just call me Martha Stewart….(or not)  I used as part of my centerpiece of flowers – which I know in your mind sounds terrible – but they were whimsical and turned out quite lovely). Or the Thanksgiving sitting around the table with our dear Spanish and German friends, or the turkey that we ordered from the Marriott hotel in Frankfurt that cost a mere 300 Euros….oh the stories. And of course the annual flag football game in a local park where the local Germans had absolutely no clue what we were doing.

There’s so much to be thankful for – it truly is a holiday of gratitude and joy.

And seasons change…and those things that were once were may ebb and flow a bit. Last year we had Thanksgiving at our daughter’s apartment in Nashville. This year we are celebrating in sunny Florida, without my Mother’s antique turkey plates – but as seasons change – it creates new opportunities and new memories and traditions.

Now let’s shift to those conversations around the table and how we can find the perfect combo of confidence and grace…..

Like me, there are a lot of you that love the yummy food and Thanksgiving traditions – but for some it can be a stressful time, family disagreements and uncomfortable topics. You know there’s always someone who likes to stir the pot, or talks with their mouth full of food, or brings up religion or the dreaded politics discussion.

So what can we do to engage in compassionate and considerate conversations about the table this holiday season – and focus on celebrating what’s important.

Let’s do our best to remove these topics from our table conversations this season:

Family gossip: No need to chat about Uncle Vinny who is off with someone 15 years younger on a tropical island somewhere. Family drama can be so tempting when you’re all together and all ears – my advice: Resist the urge. Here’s a great read from Reader’s Digest and things not to share with your friends / family about your relationship.

Your kid’s major lifetime achievements: You may be the overly proud parent of an over-achiever that got a full scholarship, won the state tournament, and you all celebrated with a trip around the world……but there’s a good chance not all at the table have had such good fortune – they may have experienced losing a job, or having to relocate or doing their best to stay afloat with finances. Remember – comparison is the thief of joy, so leave the bragging at the door.

The current state of politics: If you want to go there – remember to be respectful and tactful. The best advice here is simple – listen more than lecture. In some cases you may only see these family member once a year – choose your words wisely. A recent Quinnipiac University poll indicated that 65% of people don’t want to talk politics. Keep those stats in the back of your mind before heading into that territory.

Parenting or marriage advice: Zip it…enough said. No one wants to hear the dreaded: “When are you having a baby?” or “Aren’t you guys getting married soon?” Take time to check out the hilarious parenting stories article linked here and this is a great read about how to respond to judging comments at the holiday table.

Your cooking expertise and skills: Take it from me – a very average Joe chef who loves to try new recipes, but getting a little help from the local grocery as hostess with the ‘mostess’ so for those chef extraordinaire’s out there – so keep the “how much butter is in there potatoes” to yourself and simply smile and let the host know how grateful you are to be there.

What would you add to this list? Share your advice and let’s make this the best darn Thanksgiving holiday ever. Let’s have grateful hearts and savor the stories shared and the memories made.

And Go Pack Go!

Over and out,